Not OK

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No I’m not OK. This time around things are hitting me harder than they did last year. Maybe it’s because I also have to move, which I didn’t have to do last year. Maybe because I was working for a company that I actually really liked and doing a job I loved.

In a way you could say I’m heartbroken. Or just broken. Dunno.

I wanted to move in with Dave and was looking forward to doing just that next year. However it was supposed to be a happy, exciting thing. Because of the current circumstances it hardly feels happy.

And no it’s not OK. It’s not OK what happened to me or how it was handled. It’s not OK that someone who barely took the time to get to know me would manipulate circumstances to get me fired. And it’s especially not OK to be fired over completely false allegations (there were *no* inaccuracies in my reports “since Day 1”!! If there were wouldn’t someone have talked to me about that on Day 1, not 8 months later?!).

I’m heart sick, I’m sad and I just want to curl up and hide. I’m not in any mood to pack and coordinate a move right now, but I have no choice – if I can’t help Dave pay the mortgage he needs to be able to rent it out to someone.

I’m a very independent minded person and to be thrust into a situation where I actually am dependent again – it makes me feel like I failed somehow.

I’m sure over time I’ll get past this setback like I have all the others, and I’ll find success in some venture or another. But in this moment it feels all very hopeless – sort of like “what’s the point” if this just keeps happening to me.

First there was the red-haired bitch at Logandale Middle School who manipulated the principal into firing me (I still think she was his jealous mistress). Then there was brunette bitch at Derby Associates who downright lied to the company president about my lack of performance (she claimed I hadn’t shown any improvement in my tech writing ability when all she had me work on were updating the graphics in a manual).

I feel both like I failed somehow, but also that I was betrayed. Everything seems so surreal and almost like I’m standing on the outside watching my life like a dispassionate observer.

So no … I’m not OK.

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